The Diary of Seth
by earth warrior
Summary: Whoever said being a teenage werewolf was easy has obviously never met Seth Clearwater. If you want a good story with loads of patented Seth-brand humor and a healthy dose of insanity then this is your lucky day. OC free! R&R please!
1. I get a hobby

Hi everyone! As I'm sure you all know my name is Seth Clearwater. You can call me 'Seth the Amazing'- but uh, just plain Seth works too. Now, you may think that being a teenage werewolf is easy, but its actually quite stressful. Especially when you have a certain sister named Leah (aka, the entire reason I'm writing in this thing.)

It went something like this…

I was feeling a bit more angsty than usual the other day after Quil and Embry drank all our root beers. It should be noted that root beers are my FAAAAVORITEE drink, and they are never **(I repeat **_**never!**_**) **to be touched by anyone but me (and occasionally Leah, but only cuz if I don't let her have one sometimes she'll threaten to enforce mom's curfew that we've totally blown off up to this point).

So you can understand my woe upon opening the cabinet to find it utterly desolate of any carbonated beverages, let alone my sooper secret stash of root beers. Okay, maybe just sticking it behind me and Leah's bag of Folgers coffee wasn't exactly inconspicuous, but they need to learn to respect my stuff more. (_R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to me…_uh, anyway).

Where was I? Don't you just hate it when you're on a roll, and then you just suddenly forget what you were going on about to begin with? But I guess I could just check back in the entry (that was some Seth wisdom right there). Hang on. Okay, got it.

Alright, so I was angsting in my room. As in, I was hanging upside-down over the edge of my bed waiting for all the blood to rush to my head (while wondering what would happen if all my blood really did pool in my brain. That would be cool unless I died. Then Leah would kill me for making her have to put up with Paul during the funeral without being able to punch him in the face when he got annoying. I don't blame her there; Jake's cousin- and Paul's imprint- Rachel is out of town this week so he's spending practically every minute over here since he and Jake have shredded each other's nerves already and Paul doesn't feel like _going home_).

And of course any good Seth angst session needs a little punk rock music. Yeah, I admit, usually I can't stand the screeching metal that sounds like a mob of angry cats and the singers who have the astonishing talent of making a listener believe that their eardrums have been horribly raped and murdered.

However, when I'm in a bad mood its not quite as horrible to listen to. Or maybe it is and I just don't notice.

During 'No Sympathy for the Dead' by Escape the Fate, which I was blasting at full volume, Leah burst into my room. She didn't knock, but whatever. I was in full out angst mode by then, so I couldn't care less. "Seth, turn it down." She said.

I cupped a hand by my ear as if I couldn't hear her over the music. She tried again, and then a third time. I had a really hard time not laughing, but somehow managed to pull it off (a rare feat considering how sometimes I can spend hours laughing about absolutely nothing and I've never even used drugs). Finally, she just unplugged my ancient boom box, took out the CD and snapped it in half with her bare hands!

Seriously can you believe her? It's my room, and she just barges in and breaks my stuff; well, technically it's her CD from her 'I-love-Sam-but-he-can't-stand-me-so-I'm-gonna-act-like-an-emo-girl' phase. I sorta stole it out of her room a couple months ago to play on days like this but that's beside the point.

"Leaaaaah!" What's that you say? I sound like a whiny child? Shut up.

"Seth! Get a hobby!"

So I did.

Take that Leah! Now I can rant and angst and act like I'm on something and there's nothing you can do about it!

Oh, but for the record, this is NOT by any means a diary. It is a journal. Do you hear me: jour-nal. Diaries are for girls and gay guys, which I is neither of. Having a diary simply isn't manly, and even though I suppose a journal might be pushing it this **is** a _diary_- er, a _journal_. Mmmkay? Sorry, I'm going through caffeine withdrawals here. It messes with your head ya know.

Speaking of which…

I'm gonna go hunt down Quil and Embry (which I will _so_ tell you about later). They will **_pay_** for their soda stealing ways! With that said I should probably make up a little signature sign-out right? Let me think… okay, got one.

_This is Seth Clearwater signing off._

No, that's stupid. (insert long, pause of Sethiness. Hehe, 'Sethiness,' lol. Did I seriously just say lol? That's when you know you've been spending _way_ too much time around Alice Cullen.) Ooh ooh, here's one!

_See ya later._

Not a chance. Talk about unoriginal. I might as well just sign my name for all the creativity that line has. I need something cooler. Google, here I come! Be back in a sec.

(3 hours later)

What? It took me a really long time to find the perfect one… and maybe it could be in the realm of possibility that I got sidetracked playing internet Tetris. Shut up. It's a very addicting game okay?

And now for my totally awesome sign-out. Ready?

_May the force be with you,_

_Seth _:D

P.S. I'm still working on it.

**oOo**

**In case you were wondering, this takes place post Breaking Dawn but there's only one pack (Sam's). Jake is still there too, he's just not a pack leader any more. **

**And no, Seth will not imprint on anyone. I'm not into OC's so you'll be glad to know that this is an OC free zone! And if you're not glad, then there are plenty of SethXMary Sue fics out there that you can read if that's your thing. **

**I love Seth, I realy do. The great thing about Seth is that you get the best of both worlds with him (ugh, stupid song). Yes he's a wolf, but he can show up at the Cullen's and no one would care. So yeah, the Cullens will be involved in this as well.**

**I hope you enjoyed the first entry of Seth's diary. Please R&R!**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**

**P.S. If there are any suggestion for Seth's diary sign-out, that would be cool. **


	2. I have an unwanted name change

I am officially the laughing stalk of the pack.

Furthermore, Quil and Embry are also officially on my List. Yeah I have a List. It's pretty epic. Here it is.

**The List **

_**By Seth**_

**1. Barney the purple dinosaur (looong story)**

**2. Eli, the stupid snot faced meanie-butt from school (yes, I did just call him a meanie-butt. That's major pwnage right there if I may say so.) I don't want to talk about him right now. Maybe later. I've had enough humiliation for one day.**

**3. This spot is reserved for Paul when he's in one of his moods- this is most of the time, hence he's been dedicated number three on the List. Luckily for me, he's having a 'good day' (he's only gotten in four fights today) and he's not on the List at the moment, but that's subject to change.**

**4. Quil and Embry **

**5. Pea soup (have you **_**seen**_** the Exorcist? This one's self-explanatory)**

Wanna know what happened? You know you do, and even if you don't I'll tell you anyway.

Like I said before after my sign-out (uh, no comment on that one) I went to go find Q&E (darn, that would work so much better if Embry's name began with an A. Get it? Q&A. It's funny, right?…Hm, everyone's a critic.) It didn't take me long to find them since they were camped right outside Sam's door two houses down.

See, the thing about my friends is that they have no sense of personal space. They will literally just barge into my room through the window at 3 AM because they shredded their last pair of shoes and just _had_ to borrow mine, I repeat, at _**3AM**_!

So the fact that they were sitting on Sam's doorstep was more of an irritation than anything else because if it had been my house they wouldn't have even bothered to knock.

Anyway.

So I ran over to them (human-speed not wolf-speed, so it was more like a walk to me) and said, "You owe me ten bucks."

"Uh, why?" Quil asked, _conveniently_ forgetting his jail-worthy actions this morning.

"Because you drank my whole stash of root beers!" I added pathetically, "You guys know those are my favorite drinks."

That's when Quil got the 'oh crud' look on his face that seems to make an appearance practically every time he talks to Sam. Quil has a selective memory like you wouldn't believe. Sam has a mind like a steel trap. The two simply don't mix.

The next second he and Embry are half way down the road laughing like maniacs while I just stood there with an expression which was probably eerily similar to that of a dead fish. I really should have seen that one coming.

Well Seth Clearwater does _not_ just let soda-stealing culprits get away from the scene of the crime…well, two doors down from the scene of the crime at least. So I raced after them, which was sort of an epic fail because I tripped over my own shoe laces before getting five feet.

Shut up.

After peeling myself off the pavement, tying the offending laces, and praying that no one had seen me (yeah, like I should get that lucky) I headed off in their direction. By that time they were in the woods, so the second I got there I ditched my clothes under a tree and phased thinking I might be able to catch up easier if I was in wolf form.

Apparently Q&A (yeah, Embry's name is now Ambry cuz it's more cooler that way) had the same idea. They were instantly in my head.

_I'm having some serious caffeine withdrawals here and its ALL YOUR FAULT! _

Quil figured out I wasn't about to give up easily. He knew I could be quite annoying when I put my mind to it. Not that I'm annoying on a regular basis. I'm sooo not. I'm too loveable to be annoying!

_Okay fine, we'll pay you back in cokes. Happy?_

Well… _Not really, but I'll take what I can get._

_Listen Seth. _Ambry started. _Wait, why are you calling me Ambry and why are you narrating this conversation in your head?_

_None ya beezwax. _Do not think about the journal do not think about the journal do not think about the-

_YOU HAVE A DIARY? _Less than a second later they both appeared in front of me, tails wagging and tongues out and generally looking pretty stupid.

This is great. Just peachy.- That waz sarcasm for all you dimwits out there.

_Shut up Ambry! _Oops. _I mean Embry! It is not a diary. it's a journal. _Admittedly I felt like a huge looser by that point.

Embry and Quil phased back just so that they could laugh hysterically at me in person. Aren't they a joy? I hope they run out of air and choke.

"HA! Little Miss Samantha has a diary." Quil joked. I was quickly running out of patience for those two. "Aw why don't you find some glitter and flowers to decorate your wittle diary."

Ambry collapsed to his knees from laughter. "Then you can write in it the names of all the wittle boys you like huh _Samantha_?"

That was the last straw.

I phased to human to give them a piece of my mind. "For one thing _Ewww_!, that's gross Embry, I'm not gay!"

"That's not what your boyfriend said," Wow. Pathetic attempt at pwnage alert. Ambry is such a spazz.

I rolled my eyes, "Wow. Pathetic attempt at pwnage alert. Embry you are such a spazz."

"Your face is a spazz!"

"Your mom's face is a spazz!"

"What'd you say about your mom? "

"Word to yo momma!" Quil interjected stupidly for no apparent reason. He even did a gangster pose. It _burrrnsssssss…_

Gosh, and people say _I'm_ immature. Can you say hypocrites? I can: HYPOCRITES! Hehe, that word looks really funny in all caps don't it?

"What the heck?" Which was weird because Embry and I said this at the exact same time, give or take a millisecond.

Quil just shrugged, the nubble. Yeah, nubble is a word; I'm sure if you looked it up in a dictionary Quil Ateara's picture would be there.

At that moment I was really pissed at the lot of 'em so I decided to head home.

Note to self: put clothes back on before attempting any dramatic exits.

Long story short, a small toddler is pretty much scarred for life and now thanks to Q&A the whole pack knows about by journal.

Sam tried to convince the others to leave me alone, but he was clearly just as amused as the rest of them. I'm thinking of running away to join a circus. Do you think shape-shifting is a legitimate circus-worthy talent?

Yeah, me neither.

I just can't win at life.

I'll see you later. Maybe. If I'm in the mood to be humiliated further. Also, I'm still experimenting with sign-outs.

So with that being said,

_Catch ya on the flip side, _

_Seth :(_

P.S. Uh...no. Just no.

**oOo**

**And this concludes chapter 2. Yay, it's longer than chapter 1! That makes me happy. **

**You know what else makes me happy? Reviews. I have two stories going at the moment, and whichever one gets the most attention will be the one that gets updated most. Admittedly, my other one has no reviews *sad face* and this one is way more fun to write, but still... Anyway, I'll update soon-ish. **

**See ya!**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


	3. I get roped into something

After becoming the pack's biggest joke for the moment, I decided to head over to the Cullen's. Ever since the Volturi incident I went over there on a regular basis and none of them seem to have any problem with it; they somewhat seem to enjoy my company (for a wolf anyway).

Besides, the pack is being a royal pain and at least I don't have any stupid telepathic connection with the vamps that they can use against me. At least they're not calling me 'Samantha'.

I know Edward can read minds, but he doesn't seem like the type to get on my case about the lack-o-manliness in having a journal.

When you're a vampire who _**sparkles**_ you sort of loose some authority in that respect. Just saying.

As it turns out, I didn't have to worry about their opinions because the Cullens were in the middle of a…_crisis_…of sorts. Imagine walking into a house full of vampires while one of them (namely Emmet) is running through the halls in nothing but his boxers, covered in chocolate sauce screaming, "I'M BLIND! I'M BLIIIIND!" At the top of his lungs.

Its not a pretty picture I can tell you.

"Jasper, I can't believe you!"

"What? It's not my fault! Alice was the one who-"

The pixie girl jumped on Emmet's back and pulled on his shirt collar, "Whoa boy." Emmet reared back like a horse trying to buck her off. She held her ground despite his attempts to fling her away and tried to wipe the chocolate sauce out of his eyes (since apparently he hadn't thought to do that in the first place.) It was entertaining I'll give them that.

Edward was the first to notice me, "Hello Seth." The rest of the Cullens including Emmet and Alice turned my way with various greetings. Even Rosalie just barely acknowledged my presence.

Rosalie wasn't all that fond of me (though I can't understand why) but even she would probably rather have me as company than any of the other wolves. She says I'm a notch below the rest of them in terms of annoyingness. Heck, she even gave me the whole freaking scale one day when she was in a good mood. Wanna hear it? No? Too bad; if I had to sit through it so do you.

**The Scale of Irritating People (from best to worst)**

_**By Rosalie**_

_**Dictated by Seth**_

**1. #1? You're kidding. No one is this endearing.**

**2. Renesmee**

**3. The rest of the Cullens except Emmet**

**4. Emmet**

**5. Me (Seth)**

**6. The rest of the wolves**

**7. Everyone not mentioned at some point on the list**

**8. The Volturi**

**8. James and Laurent**

**9. Victoria**

**10. Jacob Black (HA! You been **_**pwned**_** by a vamp Jake!)**

I just love lists, don't you? So now that I have gone completely off subject, let's get back on track.

It was about at this time when Emmet, still blinded by chocolate sauce, plowed right into me. I'm sure you're aware that werewolves are very strong, but vampires are probably stronger (where's the justice?). Plus, Emmet is about twice my size unfortunately. I'm small for a wolf. I'm even an inch shorter than Leah which has killed me on the inside since the day I turned ten.

Suffice to say it hurt. A lot. I think he might have broken a rib, but it's hard to tell. I also think I might have blacked out for a minute because next thing I knew the house was completely empty save for me and the little psychic vampire, Alice. I opened my eyes and there she was an inch away from my face.

I yelped in shock and because even though I've pretty much gotten used to it, she does still smell gross. She thought that was really funny because she laughed and backed up, sitting on her heels. "Hi."

I blinked, "Um, hey. Where is everybody?"

"I fell when Emmet crashed into you- Edward told me to apologize for that by the way- and I decided to stay to make sure you were okay. The others are trying to catch him before he breaks something, or someone."

I sat up; my ribs were throbbing, but they would be okay by tomorrow. "I'm fine," I said standing up.

"What were you doing here anyway?"

"Pack issues. I don't wanna talk about it. You guys are way less irritating most of the time."

"Isn't Leah gonna kill you for coming here?"

_Leah_? You're kidding right? Leah's too busy angsting over unrequited love to care. As long as I come home with most of my limbs intact (so mom won't get on her case about my safety) I can basically do whatever I want. "Um, Leah's got her own issues to deal with."

Alice nodded understandingly. Edward had probably told her and the others all about the wolf drama he'd gathered reading my mind and, in affect, the minds of my pack-mates. You might be surprised to know this, but I come around here at least three times more often than Jake. He and Edward are still at odds over the whole Renesmee thing, so Jake and Nessie usually meet somewhere.

I still think they're gonna end up eloping but I'd never tell Edward that…correction, I'd never tell him _out loud_.

"Hey Seth? Can I ask you for a favor?" She gives me a wide eyed doe stare. Uh-oh…

_Don't answer, just leave,_ "Yeah?" Ugh! You are so stupid Seth!

"Youwannagoshoppingwithme?" I swear she talks that fast. It took me like five seconds just to comprehend what she'd asked me. I instantly wished I hadn't.

"Sorry Alice but I have plans…"

"No you don't! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Seth!" She latched onto my arm, looking desperate. What the heck? It's not that big of a deal.

Wait, that was silly; this is Alice we're talking about. Shopping is _always_ a big deal. But why me? "Why me?"

"Because no one else will and I am in desperate need of a shopping partner. It'll be fun! Pleeeeease?"

"Can't you go by yourself?"

"No… I'm banned from using the car for a month." I had a feeling I didn't want to know the reason.

By now you must be saying to yourself, 'this could not get any worse.'

It gets worse. I said 'yes'. Shut up. I know what you're thinking: why would you go shopping with a vamp? What will the pack think? If they were getting on you're case about girliness before, now they'll laugh themselves to death (good riddance if you ask me. They're acting like friggin' kids anyway). You'll never live this down Seth!

And besides that Sam won't be thrilled about me hanging with her; they've all more-or-less gotten over my friendship with the Cullens, but Sam doesn't appreciate any reminders.

So yeah, I know I was an idiot. I know I'll regret this later. Heck, I already regret it! But the pack will just have to get over it and so will I.

I'm gonna go angst till tomorrow morning, then suck it up (hey look, unintended vampire pun!) and get ready. I'm picking her up at noon tomorrow. I think that means this will be an all-day event. God save me, I'm too young to die…

If I survive, I'll let you know how it goes.

_Peace out,_

_Seth :S_

**oOo**

**Eh, this chapter wasn't very funny, but I think the next one will be better. Poor Seth; it's just so much fun to torture him in humorous ways. ****And YAY! There are two reviews! *insert high pitched scream of excitement***

**To Mosstail21: Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoy it! SETH FANS UNITE!**

**To SaaamForLife: Lol. Good thing you feel special, because I don't think Seth does. :D**

**And now you must all be wondering: What on earth _was_ Emmet doing with all that chocolate sauce on him?**

**Well, bye! An update will come soon.**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


	4. I go shopping with Alice

I…I think I'm dead. If I'm not just let me die. Anything is better than reliving that torture. Remember when Alice promised me that going shopping with her would be fun?

She lied.

I walked/ran to her house at 12 o'clock sharp. If nothing else, Alice is ready on time. She prattled on about Nessie for a while which was okay because I like Nessie. She's undeniably sweet and downright adorable. Then we talked about this new movie that I'd seen last week with Jake and Q&A. I swear she and the rest of the Cullens have seen every movie known to man.

And some known only to monkeys.

At least she has an excuse: vampires don't sleep so they have twice the free time I do. Maybe by the time I've been 15 for as long as she's been 17 I'll be a movie buff like her. I may not have a life, but I hope I never get _that _bored.

Long story short, the ride there was okay. Alice is pretty cool. She let me drive her convertible since technically I don't have a license (not that that's ever stopped me before), and I put the top down so it wouldn't smell too bad in the car.

Then we got to the mall and it was all downhill from there. The second she walked in it was like watching a starving lion in a room full of gazelles. She walked at a pace that bordered on inhumanly fast, and even I had a hard time keeping up with her.

"You won't regret coming, Seth, trust me."

Yeah, right. "Where to first?"

She grabbed my arm and dragged me into Dillard's. Okay, that's not too bad. She fawned over dresses and shirts while I tried (and failed epically) to pretend I didn't know her.

"Which do you like better, the steel blue or the teal?"

"What's the difference?"

She stared at me like I'd grown a second head. "There's a world of difference!" I gave her my special deer-in-the-headlights look. She sighed and shook her head solemnly, "It's even worse than I thought. You're _fashion impaired_!"

Gosh, is it terminal?

"No, I'm a guy."

"Same thing."

Then I took a closer look at the shirts in question. I didn't mean to it just… happened. "The teal."

"Wh-what?"

"Teal."

"Why?"

"The steel blue is too harsh. The teal is more mellow and will bring out your eyes better."

Oh. My. Gosh. **I'VE BEEN INFECTED! **This is not good! Must…watch…pro-wrestling. _But I don't even like pro-wrestling. _

It's getting worse! Wait, I never did like it. Crisis averted.

I think Alice probably would have hugged me right then if I hadn't clearly been in freak-out mode. "Eeeeeeee!" She squealed, "You're not a lost cause Seth! I'll have to take you out shopping every week."

And that's where I drew the line. "Uh, Alice, I think I'm gonna go…somewhere. I'll meet you in the food court at 3 o'clock." Just back away slowly Seth.

"No way. We just have to go in one more store, then you can eat." Yes! " After that we'll start some serious shopping." No!

She dragged me through the mall so fast I could hardly see the shops as they passed. Alice may be small, but she is really strong. Then, finally, she stopped abruptly. I ran into her on accident, then apologized.

She shrugged and smiled, "It's okay. We're here."

I looked up…and we were standing right in front of a place that could only be described as pure unadulterated evil in its pink frilly form. _Victoria's Secret_. If she thought I was going in there, she was nuts. "If you think I'm going in there you're nuts."

"Aw, come on; I'll make it quick. Besides, it's not that big of a deal."

Hence, despite all my pleads I ended up in Victoria's Secret.

It was not fun.

I mean, as a member of the teenage guy species I'm all for girls and their undergarments. But the store clerks were staring and I had the uncontrollable urge to yell, "I'm not gay!" So that everyone from here to Seattle could hear me.

True to her word we weren't there long, but the wait was pure torture. Boy, the pack is going to have one heck of a field day when they find out. And when Edward reads Alice's mind and finds out, the Cullens will lose the itty bitty microscopic shred of respect they've had for me since the Volturi incident.

But then again, he's still a sparkling vampire, so that's a point for me, right?

Then again, he's married while I've never had a girl give me a second glance (or for that matter, a first glance). I think he wins this round.

After that, we went to the food court. It was a bit weird having Alice sit there and watch me eat. I don't know if it was chivalrous or stupid when I offered her some, but from the 'you're kidding, right?' expression I got I'm willing to put my money on 'stupid'.

When Alice finally put me out of my misery and said we could go home I thought I might break out into singing the alleluia chorus on the spot. Thankfully I didn't cuz I suck at singing.

Now that I'm home, I'm hoping that by writing down this awful experience I can erase it from my mind completely and live a healthy, happy, trauma-free life (and pray that the pack will never find out about this).

So far I've been holed up I my room for eight hours straight and I still haven't come any closer to getting rid of that pesky PTSD I'm sure I've developed after this traumatic event.

I know. I didn't think I could go this long without human (or werewolf) contact either. Plus, I'm starting to get sorta hungry. Good thing I read that you can survive fifty days without eating.

I'm gonna go watch Monty Python.

_And… _oh whatever…

_Seth :P_

**oOo**

**Eh, nothing much to say about this chapter. Onto the review responses!**

**To Mosstail21: Hehe, lol. I made up that line and just had to use it somewhere! Thanx!**

**To .Wannabee-Fantasy.: Thank you. But how can someone not like Seth? No comprendo...**

**To SaaamForLife: ****Oh come on! I can't just _tell_ you why. Where's the fun in that? **

**To Lela: Glad you like it!**

**I'll update soon! Chapter five is sort of a filler, but whatever. **

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


	5. I get myself grounded

I've only got one thing to say: **SOS! **Help! I accidentally locked myself in my room after the mall incident and now I'm trapped in here! I don't know how long it's been. Days? Weeks? _Years_? No, wait, checking the clock…okay, maybe it's only been a few hours- it's mid-morning of the day after I'd gone shopping with Alice.

But still, I could be stuck here forever! Maybe, years in the future, my family will remember I never came out of my room that one night and they'll get the door unstuck. Then they'll look in the corner and see a Seth-sized pile of bones wasting away; it crumbles into ash the second light hits it because its never been out of the darkness before. Out of the lonely abyss in an eternity of the blackest night…

Gosh, someone's been reading _wayyy_ too much cruddy goth poetry.

But I digress.

Will someone _please_ get me out of here? I think I might be claustrophobic. Oh no, I…_I can't breathe_…I can't

Oops. Never-mind. I just had my hand over my face and forgot it was there. Crisis averted. Still, I need to stop this nonsense and think calmly and rationally about this. Then again, common sense was never my thing. That's what Sam is for: to make sure things don't go up in flames (though I'm usually the scapegoat when they do. Where's the justice?)

So how do you get out of a room with a stuck door? I know! I'm a werewolf right? So I'm strong enough to just break through the door. It's foolproof!

Okay, hang on…

oOo

Note to self: stop being so darn stupid!

Okay, so I tried the whole 'break the door in half' thing, and guess what? I'm grounded. And you know what else? I totally deserved it.

For the first half-hour while mom called someone out to replace the door, my _darling_ sister Leah told me all the other ways I could have gotten out.

"Why didn't you just call for help? You knew everyone was home."

Darn her and her undisputable logic "I dunno."

"And you could have just gone out through the window. Why didn't you think to do that?"

"I dun-" If I'd had a drink I would have done a spit-take right then. "Wait, for real?"

"Duh."

Dang it. I'll have to remember that, because the window's going to be my only means of escape for the next two weeks. I know what you're thinking: Seth, you were right. You just can't win at life.

_And you know what? _Yep, pretty much.

So now that I have absolutely nothing to do, I think I'm gonna do some homework. Gasp! I know, I know, the apocalypse must be coming. But when you're as horribly bored as I am (and have the attention span of a puppy) you'll do anything to save your (already questionable) sanity.

First to math. Okay seriously, who needs geometry anyway? When am I ever going to need to be able to plot linear equations on a coordinate plane? Never, that's when!

I'm bored again. _I'm so lonely, I'm so lonely, I've got nobody…to caaall my owwwwn! _That was scary. I think Leah's about to call the mental ward. She'd love that. Then she'd get to be an only child again. I'm shutting up only because I can't let her have that satisfaction.

Insert sigh of Sethy proportions_._ I'm going to try and convince my mom to un-ground me. It's not going to work and then I'll fumble through some history homework. Wish me luck.

_SOS,_

_Seth =S_

**oOo**

**Yeah, it's short. Let's just call it a filler chapter. And thanks so much to everyone who's read and/or reviewed. Seriously, you guys are awesome!**

**To .Wannabe-Fantasy.: I know right? It's so sad *sob*.**

**To NikkiandEdward'iloveuex: An OC is basically an author made character (I'm sure the letters stand for something but I have no idea what). If done right an OC can be an asset to the story, but many times they are Mary Sues. A Mary Sue (or Marty Stu for guys) is a character who is perfect but has personality depth of a tide pool. **

**To darkknightprincess222: Truth be told, me neither. But thanks for giving this story a chance and for your review. :)**


	6. Quil does something stupid

I'm still grounded. I must be a freaking psychic because my predictions from the last entry were exactly right. Except I ended up fumbling through chemistry homework, not history. Mom got someone to take measurements for a new door the same day, and they must have been having a slow week because they had the replacement installed by the end of the next day- that day being this one.

It's now 4AM on a school night/morning, and I am exhausted beyond words. The problem is for some reason I can't sleep. Maybe it's because the moon's bright enough that I can still see my new door and it irritates me that the color doesn't match my walls. Or maybe its because I'm so keyed up from having six cups of coffee an hour before going to bed.

Call me crazy but I'm placing my bets on the second choice.

I've tried everything, and I just can't seem to shut my brain off. Why do vampires get all the luck? They do just fine without sleep, but wolves? Nope. We're as weak as the average human in that respect. Granted, is does make me feel a little better to know that I am more human than they are. I'm not quite sure why since every shred of human in me is another disadvantage, but just being able to know that I will always be the protector, not executioner, of people from vampires (and I'm not referring to the Cullens here who are as every bit as human, morally, as I am) is more satisfying when I can say that I protect those of (more or less) my own species.

Crud, I nearly fell asleep there for a secnd.

_Ouch_...And aside from that my head hurts. That little rantwas way too deep for 4AM. I should deprive myself of sleep more often if thes are the kind of things I come up with n the process.

Huh, _'process.' _Pro-cesssss. It sounds weird if you say it overand over andover and over and over and ove… What was I talking about? Sorry, it's hard to think when the wordson th page keep bulring. I mean blurring**….**

oOo

Not too long after writing that, there was a knock at the window. Guess who? Those of you who said Quil Ateara would be correct.

_Tell 'em what they've won! _A large dose of **I-am-so-completely-dead-if-mom-finds-out**! "What are you doing here Quil?" I was instantly shocked out of my near-coma when he didn't bother to wait for me and just opened my window and stepped inside. He tripped on a pair of roller skates I hadn't used since I was eleven and crashed head-first into my bed-post. After the journal uproar he'd caused it was sort of gratifying. Karma isn't all bad you know.

In case you were wondering, my room is on the third floor and we have no trees or anything. We have only a trellis which I'm surprised hasn't collapsed by now from all the times me or one of my friends had climbed it when it really wasn't meant to support this much weight.

Once he'd sufficiently managed to embarrass himself and earn a ping-pong sized bruise on his forehead I remembered how much trouble I was going to be in when mom saw him here after she'd grounded me for the next five days. "What the heck do you think you're doing Quil? You know I'm grounded!" Hey, maybe Quil wasn't really there. Maybe I was hallucinating the whole thing. Oh gosh I hoped so.

He nodded, then whispered, "I'm breakin' outta here Lefty. Are you with me?"

"_Andy Griffith_? Really?" Nevermind. He's there. Not even Jake and Embry together could crack jokes that lame.

"Yes really." He said defensively, "That was one of the most popular shows of the 1950's."

"Wait, don't you mean 1960's?"

"Whatever. I read on the internet that The Andy Griffith Show is always playing on at least one station every minute of the day and night. It's like the Roman empire- the sun never sets on Andy Griffith."

I think I lost a few brain cells there. "That doesn't even make sense…"

We probably would have argued about it all night except that I remembered (yet again) about my predicament and demanded he tell me what the deal was.

"Haven't you been paying attention? We're breaking you out- Jacob, Embry and I! Are you coming or what Seth?" Hmm. On one hand, it did sound like fun and I was getting really bored here all alone. On the other hand, the consequences- being tired tomorrow and failing a test, and getting in trouble again- might outweigh the benefits. But on the other hand, for some inexplicable reason... _I really didn't care_.

Maybe I have poor judgment. So sue me. "_I'm in_!"

And we climbed out the window. Now, remember that trellis I told you about? The one that feels like its about to collapse? Hehe, well it did. We were nearly off it and Quil tripped and ripped the thing off its hinges! Neither of us got hurt, but the whole thing came crashing down.

The trellis itself wasn't broken so it fell forward. Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you look at it), I accidentally caught it with my face and now I have a diamond shaped red mark around my eye. I look like Ricky Raccoon's cousin. I would be sooo funny if it had happened to someone else.

However, because of my lucky catch it didn't make a sound, and none of my family woke up- besides, even if Leah had, she wouldn't have told on me.

"Oops. Sorry."

"Quiiiil! Now what do we do?" Jake and Embry came over right then, and Embry laughed at my forming trellis-mark. He's like a hyena with a cruddy sense of humor.

"Hey, Seth, what are you, Ricky Raccoon's cousin?" Wow. I'm not sure whether I've been spending too much time around Embry, or him with me. And did that line sound just as stupid when _I_ said it as it did when _he_ said it?

"What happened?" Jake asked, ignoring Embry as I tried to. I gave him the whole sha-bang in ten words or less.

Quil studied the fallen piece of gardening equipment and said, "I have some ductape in my backpack. We could tape it to the wall temporarily, then nail it up before Seth's mom gets home from work today."

Good idea. I don't know why he had the ductape and I don't want to, but hopefully it would hold unless it rained. We used up nearly the whole roll and it was light out by the time we were done. Okay, one crisis averted.

But there's another problem. "How am I supposed to get inside now? I don't have the key." The others shrugged. Of course. Oh well. I already had an idea by then. "Hey, does anyone have a cell phone?" Jake handed me his. I called Leah, who was probably just about to get up.

"What do you want Jacob?" Caller ID. I was lucky she'd even answered.

"It's me, Seth. I need you to let me in the side door. It's a long story and I'll tell you later but-"

"Quil, Embry and Jacob came to break you out. One of them- probably Quil- crashed the trellis and now you have no way in. Am I close?" I think she's a mind-reader. Either that or I'm just really, really predictable.

"Uhh…." Nice Seth.

"I'll take that as a yes. Sure I'll let you in, but you owe me big time."

"Totally." I paused, "Thanks Leah. You know I love you."

I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, "I love you too Seth. Just be more careful next time." She hung up. I hung up. I tossed Jake his cell and was gone before they could comment.

I'm in third period now and obviously we still haven't had the chance to nail the trellis. It's driving me nuts wondering if it will rain, or if mom will come home early, or if she already noticed before she left this morning.

Not to mention I've been in an irritable mood all day due to sleep deprivation and a serious caffeine crash from the six cups of coffee I had last night.

Wish me luck. I didn't study for a test next I have next period. Maybe the teacher will suddenly come down with amnesia and forget the test. Hey, you can't blame a guy for trying.

_Seth-Seth-Sethy-_

_Sethy Raccoon! _;)

P.S. Come on. You just _had_ to have seen that one comming!

**oOo**

**This one was fun to write. Quil's pretty awesome. Not quite as awesome as Seth, but still awesome. :D**

**To darkknightprincess222: Thanks! Yeah, he got the inpulsivity genes. Wonder which side of the family it came from?**

**To Miralwan: I'm glad you think its funny cuz my family just finds it stupid. Oh well. And you're absolutely right; it does get irritating how Seth almost never has a story where he's not imprinting on someone. **

**To .Wannabe-Fantasy.: Lol! You go breaking your bedroom door in half too? Just kidding. But thanks for your review!**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


	7. We play an epic game of go fish

Hi again! I'm back to my usual irrepressible optimistic Sethiness. Yesterday after school the four of us were able to successfully put the trellis back together without getting caught. And guess what else? The teacher dropped his cigarette on the test papers at the last second and set them on fire, so its been postponed till Monday! And I've also been let off early from my grounding for good behavior.

How lucky can I get?

Or at least I _was_ lucky until I met Embry, Jake, and Paul after school the day after the trellis incident. "Hey guys." We had decided to head to Jake's place before our patrol shift from 8 to midnight. Since things had died down, we only patrolled occasionally, and there were 5 wolves per shift instead of all ten.

Now you must be asking yourself: If it's you, Jake, Embry and Paul tonight, _where's_ the fifth person? Good question.

"Where's Quil?"

"Ask Jacob." Paul muttered, crossing his arms and acting pretty miffed. Weird. Normally Paul would be explaining in minute detail whatever stupid thing Quil had done so that he wasn't able to come.

So I turned to Jake, "Fine, I'll bite. Jake, where is Quil?"

"Ask Paul."

"Paul?"

"Ask Jacob."

This was getting stupid. "Embry, what's going on?" Embry looked back and forth between the two. "Earth to Embry Call!"

He finally seemed to notice me, "The two stooges here got him thrown in detention." Now _that_ makes more sense. The moment the words left his mouth though is when all heck broke loose.

"It was so Jacob's fault! He was acting like a total jerk and I-"

"_I_ was acting like a jerk? Hello, and who was the one who stole my favorite pair of sneakers then reduced them to ashes?" Jake yelled.

"It was an accident!" Paul retorted. The two of them were just inches away, but still just _had_ to yell and attract attention.

I turned to the people staring our way waiting for a fight that, knowing Paul and Jake, was coming soon. I'm thinking damage control time. "Um, there's nothing to see here. They're just practicing for a play. Come see it next weekend and support the drama club!" They just groaned in annoyance and returned to their various activities. Truth is, I don't think we even have a drama club. I faced my pack-mates, "Can you take this somewhere else? I don't wanna see Sam's face when you guys have to tell him that at least 50 people saw you phase."

They ignored me of course.

"Hey, Paul, I bet Seth knows whose right."

Paul nodded in agreement. "Okay, yeah. We'll have Seth decide for us. Whose fault is it?" Instantly three pairs of eyes were on me.

Ummm, I don't know! Why can't everyone just fix their own problems? I'm not their mediator. Heck, I don't even understand what Jake's allegedly destroyed sneakers have to do with anything! So I did the only thing I could do: I made something up.

"Why don't you have a challenge of some sort? Whoever wins is right." Which is ridiculous. Winning a bet doesn't make someone right, but try telling _them_ that. They were all over the idea like flies on a BBQ ribs at an outdoor picnic…and that was a really lame analogy.

But then they ran into another problem: What exactly would this duel-to-the-death (but not literally) challenge be?

Then Embry had a great idea (gulp). He was jumping up and down like a little kid in a candy shop (and I really need to stop with these stupid metaphors. They're getting on my nerves like- no, I shall resist the urge…). "Ooh, ooh! I have a great idea!"

"What?"

"I have a water-proof deck of cards, and Jake has a pool soooo…"

oOo

And that, my friends, is how I became embroiled in the most epic game of go-fish known to man. Actually it wasn't quite _epic_ so much as _silly_, but hey, I was just there to provide moral support (and for the free salt and vinegar flavored potato chips).

"Any sevens?" Jake called from one end of the pool. Both he and Paul were drenched to the bone by this time. The game had been going on for nearly an hour and neither of them had won yet. Embry and I were watching and being sufficiently bored to death as well as soaked from their splashes and the fact that we were to lazy to move out of the way. "Gosh, 4:30 already?" Embry said to me, "Almost your bedtime isn't it Samantha?"

"That joke's getting old. Besides, I may have a journal but at least it's proof that I'm literate. How do you spell Mississippi, Embry?" Hehe, school-wide spelling bee in elementary school. Nuff' said. He took another handful of chips and shut up.

Meanwhile, Paul shook his head in answer to Jake's question and called back, "Nope. Go fish."

Jake sighed, dove under the water and pulled out the first card he came across. "Yes, a seven! I'm out of cards. I win!"

"No fair," Paul argued, "You totally saw the number." Jake, dripping wet, pulled himself out of the water and was shoved by Paul who was only slightly less dripping wet.

They argued for a while and nearly came to blows until I decided to interject, "Sorry Paul but you made a deal. You lost so that means it's your fault that Quil got thrown in detention."

"What's up?" A voice came from behind us, "_Whose_ fault is it that I got detention?" We all turned around and answered 'Paul'. Quil cocked his head to one side in confusion. "Huh?"

Paul stepped forward, "Don't you remember? During lunch I got in an argument with Jacob, which was completely of his doing by the way, and the a teacher walked by and was all like 'I'll see you in detention Mr. Ateara.'" Gosh, Paul does a really good impression of a teacher. It's probably because they share the personality trait of sadism.

Realization dawned on Quil and he suddenly started laughing. Apparently it was contagious because suddenly all five us were laughing so loud I bet all of LaPush could hear us. After a few minutes we managed to calm down enough for Quil to explain the punch line to us. "I- He was just reminding me! I got detention this morning for texting in class. It wasn't either of your faults!"

You've **got** to be kidding. I helped Jake, Paul and Embry throw him head first into the freezing pool. It was fun.

_So long and farewell,_

_Seth :/_

**oOo**

**I know, I should have updated sooner. Sorry. For the record though, I can't always update every day. I don't exactly have a life, but there are things that come before this story. Again, I apologize for the wait but I can't say that it will never happen again.**

**To darkknightprincess222: Thanks! But you know some kids today don't know who Ricky Racoon is? Makes ya feel so old. **

**To .Wannabe-Fantasy.: XD I know what you mean *shudders, then laughs nervously*. And yeah, Quil and Embry are 'the shizz' (whatever that is exactly).**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


	8. We hold a touching funeral

Collin and Brady's antics know no bounds. Really they don't.

It all started this morning. I was sitting out on the porch with Collin talking about his most recent girl-crisis. See, he was under the impression that I'm some sort of ladies man. But of course I wasn't about to burst his bubble so I just went with it and pretended to know what I was talking about.

"And now she won't talk to me. What do I bloody do Seth?" Yeah, Collin did just say 'bloody'. His parents had a problem with his constant use of the f-word, so they insisted on a substitution. However, in his defense, hearing a 13 year old Native American kid use British slang is sort of entertaining. Okay, okay, maybe that isn't a point in his defense, but it's still true.

"You honestly smashed her whole diorama right before it was due?" He nods solemnly. "Then you should take responsibility for your actions. Tell the teacher that it was an accident and wasn't Kari's fault. He'll understand." That was… somewhat insightful. Maybe I know more about girls than I thought. Probably not though.

I noticed Brady was no where to be found. Just a few minutes ago he had been chasing cars after he'd seen dogs doing it and thought it might be fun. "Brady!" I yelled. Where was that kid now? "Brady!"

Suddenly I heard a scream. I'd recognize that girly screech anywhere. I was up in a flash with Collin close by. I turned at the street corner, expecting to see Brady in a bloody mass on the ground. Instead he was kneeling in the middle of the road and generally being an idiot. I thought he might be injured so I ran over to him and grabbed his shoulders demanding to know if he was okay.

"It's Lizzie!" He sounded near tears, but he was unscathed and I didn't see any 'Lizzie' in the vicinity. In fact I was just about to launch into a full-scale rant on the dangers of chasing cars and standing in the middle of a road when he pointed to something on the pavement. "Lizzie! She…or he…it's _dead_!"

I glanced down to where he had pointed. "Brady…that's a bloody lizard." No really. It's a _bloody_ lizard.

"I know!" He hugged me and began crying about this 'Lizzie' person again. Who the heck was Lizzie? And then it hit me: he's in hysterics over the lizard!

"What's going on?" Collin asked from the sidewalk. "Should I call an ambulance or what?"

"No. Just a funeral parlor for lizards."

I stood, not bothering to pry Brady off of me. He let me go and asked through his tears, "R-really? We can h-have a f-f-funeral for i-it?" Collin came over to us and gasped when he laid eyes on the flattened lizard. Apparently they had adopted Lizzie as a pet a few hours ago. Why do they have to have _live_ pets? What ever happened to pet rocks?

"No!"

"Please Seth?" Collin and Brady begged. I don't know…Heck, why not? It could be fun. I gave them the okay and they high-fived each other with a 'YES!' I scraped the body off the cement, but it still had some pebbles embedded in in its skin so I had to pick those off as well. It was pretty gross.

"Okay. Where do we burry him?"

"Your bloody backyard." _Thank you Collin…_

"Fine." I didn't get two steps before Collin yanked on my shirt sleeve. He held out a piece of paper. Apparently I couldn't just carry the darn thing, we had to put it in a 'coffin'. I folded the paper around Lizzie in a retarded-cube sort of way. Shut up.

I began walking towards by yard, but they stopped me almost immediately. "What are you doing Seth?"

"Uh, walking?"

"No no no. Like this." A funeral march. We're going so slow a car could be coming from Mexico at less than 2 miles per hour and we still wouldn't be able to get out of the way in time. Oh well. Step left, pause, step right, pause. Step left, pause, step right, try not to trip over your own feet.

This may surprise you but I am actually a bit of a Little House on the Prairie fan. Don't tell my sister; she'd never let me live it down. Anyway, the point is, I know most of the words of their most famous church song. And what's a funeral without a good church song right? So I started singing. "Bringing in the sheaves! Bringing in the sheaves! We will come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves!" I still don't know what a 'sheave' is. It sounds like a French swear word. Speaking of which, when French people swear do they say like 'pardon my German' or what? Oh the questions that plague me!

I hesitated before starting in on a refrain. Remebmer how I said I know most of the words? Apparently I know all the words, and that was it. Collin and Brady gave me a weirded-out look, but joined in halfway through the second verse. Ha, closet LHONP fans! "Bringing in the sheaves! Bringing in the sheaves! We will come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves!"

"Hey guys." Q&A shouted, coming over. Of course they asked what we were doing walking down the road singing carrying a paper towel dripping with blood.

"Having a funeral for a lizard." The three of us answered.

They exchanged glances.

"I'm in!"

"Ditto!"

So they fell in step behind Collin and Brady in our funeral march. The only problem was that they were clearly not LHONP watchers. It took them three refrains to be able to keep up with the song, and even then they couldn't figure out what we were saying so they just kept shouting 'bringing in the sheets!' over and over, totally off-key.

They were loud enough to make some of the neighbors open their doors and curse at us in English, Spanish, _and_ Pig-Latin. I know. I'd never been cursed at in Pig-Latin either. Sam, from a few doors down, heard the commotion (though how he'd gone so long ignoring it is beyond me) and came out to investigate.

"You all have gone nuts haven't you?" he demanded.

Embry stopped his drowning-cat screeching long enough to tell him, "You can't go somewhere you already are, right Seth?"

"Shut your bloody mouth, Embry," Collin interjected. I had to turn away to hide my snickers.

Sam just dead-panned and muttered something like 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em,' before trailing the procession and taking up the chant.

Eventually we made it to my backyard after picking up Jake and Paul and having Leah begin inconspicuously following from a few feet away. I set down the bundle and realized we didn't have a shovel.

"We'll just find a place and dig with our hands." Quil suggested. Gosh, what was with him and these ideas lately? First the suggestion to hide damages to the trellis and now this. What is the world coming to?

So I found a sandy plot and began digging…then I discovered- quite painfully- that I was digging in the middle of an fire-ant hill. "AAAHHH! Get'emoffget'emoffget'emoff!" So Brady grabbed the garden hose and sprayed me everywhere except my hands and arms where the ants were biting.

After a good fifteen minutes all the thousands of ants were either smashed, sprayed off or had just gotten bored and jumped. Quil, Collin and Jake had found a decent plot in the meantime and dug a lizard-sized hole using a spoon from the kitchen. Then Embry who, in case you haven't noticed, loves to hear himself talk, gave a eulogy. Something like "We are gathered here today to not to mourn a death, but to celebrate the life of Iggy-"

"Lizzie."

"Whatever. Because he…she…it… would want to be remembered not in the cold clutches of death, but in the warmth of life! _**Can I get an Amen?**"_

"_Amen!_"

"Shut up Quil. And Embry, get over yourself." Jake said.

I didn't get to hear the rest because I was in so much pain I had to go inside and beg mom to overlook my stupidity and help. My hands were on fire from the stings and Leah practically had to drag me in the house, saying, "Stop complaining Seth. Its not that bad." Easy for her to say! Her hands aren't three times their normal size and feeling like they're about to crumble to ashes.

With all that pain you must be wondering how exactly I can write all this. Thing is, I'd tell you…but then I'd have to kill you.

_See ya,_

_Seth ;/ _

**oOo**

**Sooo sorry for the long wait but I just got back from vacation about five mnutes ago from somewhere where there was no internet. Actually, now that I think about it, I probably should have mentioned that before leaving you guys to think that I'd given up on this story (like that would ever happen!). So again, mucho apologies! **

**And also, the next chapter is _not_ going to be narrorated by Seth *collective gasp of horror.* This next part just couldn't be done by him...well, I guess it could, but it wouldn't make much sense. Yeah, so while you read the review responses I'm gonna go hide from the angry mob outside the window with pitchforks, mmkay?**

**To darkknightprincess222: Go fish is probably the most epic card game ever, just saying. Except for maybe...nope. Nevermind. It's _the_ most epic. Glad you liked the chapter!**

**To .Wannabe-Fantasy.: Nah, that didn't sound too wrong. Unless you try to think about it like that. *gets horrible mental image* AHH! It BURNS!**

**To Thefluffypuff: Thank you! Seth and the other wolves are just so much fun to write. By the way, freakin' awesome pen name! ;D**

**To Brg3: Lol! But don't worry, insanity is catching so your family will get it eventually! (just kidding!) And yeah, he really does need to learn to use some common sense more often.**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


	9. I get whacked out on painkillers

Yo peeps. Dis be Embry! Yep, I have temporarily taken over this show because Seth is…uh, dare I say 'busy' at the moment. And of course there is _no way _he would ever, _**ever**_ want to miss out on recording this_ interesting _event.

First let's see where he left off…

"**I didn't get to hear the rest because I was in so much pain I had to go inside and beg mom to overlook my stupidity and help. My hands were on fire from the stings and Leah practically had to drag me in the house, saying, "Stop complaining Seth. Its not that bad." Easy for her to say! Her hands aren't three times their normal size and feeling like they're about to crumble to ashes. **

**With all that pain you must be wondering how exactly I can write all this. Thing is, I'd tell you…but then I'd have to kill you.**

_**See ya,**_

_**Seth ;/ "**_

Ha, go Leah!

So you may have noticed from the last entry that everyone was there except Jared. (Then again, it doesn't look like Jared's made an appearance yet. I'm sure he'll be crushed when he finds out.) Well that's because he came down with a nasty case of the flu.

Sam thought Seth would be well enough to take Jared's spot on patrol so he told Leah to let the kid know to meet at Sam's place by 9. And since Brady was still shaken up over the death of Iggy or whoever (and because he paid me 20 bucks) I volunteered to take his place on patrol.

So I went to Sam's at 9 as planned but by 9:30 neither Seth nor Leah had shown up. Sam sent me over two houses down to find out what the deal was. I twisted the knob only to find (shockingly) that it was _locked_. Wow, there's a concept: someone actually _locks their door_ on occasion. Hard to fathom isn't it? So I banged on it and yelled in "Seth! Dude, Sam's pissed. You better get over."

I let it support my body weight while trying to look through the peep-hole but then the door swung open. I nearly fell on my face, but of course I didn't because I have amazing reflexes and such. I quickly righted myself and leaned on the wooden frame.

"'Sup Leah. You dropped something." She didn't flinch but I just barely caught her looking down to see if I was lying, "It's my _heart_." She very nearly slammed the door in my face, but apparently whatever she had to tell me outweighed her irritation.

Leah crossed her arms and said, "Seth can't come on patrol tonight. He got bitten more times than we thought and isn't doing too well."

I shrugged, "Well that sucks for him but what am I supposed to tell Sam? He expects Seth- and you, come to think of it- down there ASAP. So I'm sorry, but I really need to get him." I came in without invitation and headed up the stairs to Seth's room. Leah was right behind me.

I opened his door and suddenly understood what Leah meant. Seth was laying asleep on the sheets as if he'd just collapsed right there. His hands were heavily bandaged all the way up to the elbows. He looked like a little kid- rather, _more _like a little kid than he usually did. For a split second I felt sort of guilty for dragging him out like this…then the guilt was gone. Oh well.

"Come on Sethy," I said, taking his arm and pulling him up. "Sam's gonna have our heads if we miss patrol." He muttered something, but I didn't understand a word of it.

A frustrated Leah grabbed his other arm, "It's not safe Embry! He's on so many painkillers he'd just end up hurting himself. I'm not going to let my little brother out of the house right now, let alone into the woods to hunt for some dangerous blood-suckers! Sam will understand, and if he doesn't he'll just have to get over it."

"Seth has to go unless somebody will take his place. You can't. You're on duty tonight too."

"And you?"

"I'm already covering for Brady." She glanced from me to him and back again. "Don't worry. He'll be fine darling."

The fire in her eyes lit up again. "But you won't be if you call me 'darling' again." Yeah, I kinda figured that. But I also gathered that I'd just won my first argument against Leah. WOoT! Go Embry, go Embry! Anyway… I let go of Seth who almost fell on Leah except that she's stronger than she looks and could hold him up pretty easily.

I took the glass of water off the bed-side table. "Wake up Seth!" And you can basically see where that went. Despite popular opinion I really did _try_ not to drench Leah as well, but that sort of failed. Seth awoke suddenly, coughing and wiping the water off of his face. Leah glared at me and left to go change into some dry clothes.

"Wha'…?" He started.

"We have to go. Come on." Maybe we could be out before Leah gets back.

He took one step and collapsed. _Come on. Why me?_ I caught him and helped him up. He shook his head and blinked several times. "You really are whacked-out on painkillers aren't you?" I asked, talking more to myself then him. For a moment I considered heeding Leah's advice and telling Sam we'd have to be one wolf short tonight. And then I remembered that I'd just gotten Leah to listen to me for the first time and I probably won't ever get an opportunity like this again.

"Emmy?" He asked me as we started towards the stairs with his arm over my shoulder leaving me to support most of his weight. I honestly have no idea how he's going to be of any use, but seriously- I repeat- I just won a fight against _Leah_ concerning _Seth_ so I'm not complaining. "Emmy, where we goin'?"

I rolled my eyes. Emmy? _Really? _"We're going to the woods to make sure none of those leeches are trespassing on our turf; and we'll burn them to dust if they do. By the way my name's Embry, not Emmy."

"M'kay Emmy. Will we thrown 'em back in de ocean?" I had to stop and stare at him to make sure he wasn't faking.

He seemed completely serious so I just sputtered out a confused, "Huh?"

I had to wait for him to blink his glazed-over eyes back into focus again. Then he answered, "The leeches. Wha' do we do wi' da leeches? Do ya throw 'em back? Then they can swim away." He laughed. "Swimmy, swimmy, swimmy." Then he started singing that song from Finding Nemo- you know, the really annoying one Dory sings near the end of the movie. "_Just keep swimming, just keep swimming_!" What the _heck_ did they give him? Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

I braced myself against the railing as we cleared the first three steps. "You do know I'm not talking about literal leeches, right?" After climbing down to the second floor (why did his room have to be on the third?) Seth was breathing heavily. "Are you okay Seth?"

"Dizzy…" He muttered just before dropping and falling down a flight of stairs. Okay, I admit that sometimes my amazing reflexes fail epically. And of course that was when Leah chose to make her appearance.

"_**Embry friggin' Call! **__What are you doing to my brother?_" We both rushed down the steps - Leah somehow reaching him before me- and she practically growled at me when I got within two feet of him. "Stay out of this! You've done enough damage."

"Hey sweetheart, you know he probably should have said something before he just-"

"Lost consciousness? That's stupid, and even you know it. And _don't_ call me 'sweetheart'" Yeah. Okay. It was pretty stupid. At this point I sort of got the message that _maybe_ Seth shouldn't go on patrol tonight. I don't know, it just wasn't working out if you can believe that.

The front door opened and Sam came in (without knocking of course. Nobody around here ever knocks; not even me.) Turning towards the kitchen he yelled in, "Hey Leah, is Seth oka-" he glanced in our direction and did a total double-take. "I'll take that as a no."

"Bozo the Clown over here dropped him down the staircase," Leah explained (however inaccurately) jerking a thumb towards me.

"Did not!"

"Really? Sure seems that way to me."

Sam held his hands up and interrupted, "Wait, he looks sick so why was he even out of bed in the first place?"

"Embry."

I screwed up a bit maybe, slightly. But that doesn't mean she can just dump all the problems on me. Sam has to take some responsibility here. "Only because _you_ told me to come over here and get him and Leah for patrol tonight."

Sam narrowed his eyes at me. "Right. And when I told you this did you happen to be playing video games, doing homework, watching TV, _and_ eating pizza at the same time?"

"I think so. Why?" Where exactly is he going with this?

"Slight misunderstanding Embry. What I _told_ you to do was find out if he was well enough to come while I mapped out the course with Collin. Then you could let me know so I could call Jacob or Paul to take his place if necessary." Why doesn't he just accuse me of causing world hunger while he's at it?

But he may have a point.

"Mmm…where's the fishees go Emmy?" Seth's exhausted, childish voice caught my attention. Sam and Leah both raised an eyebrow as they studied me.

I sighed, not really in the mood to explain it to them. "Long story guys. The fishes are going back to the ocean Seth."

"We're not gonna burn 'em for commin' on our smurf?" I laughed once at that. Seth is weird. He's probably crazy. He's the only person I've ever known who can touch his tongue to his nose, he's prone to breaking out into a random song, and he can stare for hours at lava lamps. He gets on my every nerve then crushes those nerves with a herd of elephants. But despite _all that _he is… not so bad. Not at all actually. If you tell him I said that I'll deny it though.

"No, not tonight kid." I answered.

I could tell you how I got chewed out by Leah and then by Sam but that would be sort of pointless. I could tell you about how, while being carried up the stairs, Seth freaked out and punched Sam, but I'll leave that part up to the imagination. I could also go on about how I'm now on patrol duty every shift for the next month, but I really don't think you want this to go onto a ten page rant and I have to be home in…now actually. I've got to go beg my parents for forgiveness and hope I don't get grounded again or get sent to military school. (By the way, does anyone care to remind me exactly why I consented to keep this charade up with the 'rents? I forget why.)

_Peace out,_

_Embry O.O _

**oOo**

**Oh come on Embry! Admit it, you luv Seth, lol! It was weird writing from his POV, but fun too. What do you think? Non-Seth POV's won't be a regular thing, but maybe an occasional occurrence unless you guys really don't like it. Idk, 'sup to you.**

**To Mosstail21: Oh my gosh that I love that episode! Didn't know anybody else watched Psych, but its good to find a fellow fan of the show. **

**To Brg3: Thank you! And yeah, the death of Lizzie was sorta sad *sobs hysterically*.**

**To darkknightprincess222: Well come on, who can resist a good round of 'bringing in the sheaves'while burying a lizard? Embry should have tried lip-syncing since he's probably even more tone-deaf than Seth (if that's even possible).**

**Love,**

**earth warrior**


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